54 Days

So I have had a loss of inspiration here the past few weeks, if you couldn't tell by my lack of posts. I am still not to the point of really knowing what I should write about tonight, but I felt it was time to post something so that all of you fantastic people know that we are all doing well. We have had a month of ups and downs here in our family.

I will start with the one that needs the most prayers. My cousin Theresa went to the doctor at the end of April for some headaches that she had been having. Her doctor sent her for an MRI and they found a tumor behind her right ear. The tumor is in the dominant hemisphere of her brain- where her speech function is located. Theresa has another MRI on June 10 and she will then followup with the neurosurgeon to see what the next step will be. The biggest concern is whether doing a biopsy and/or removing it will affect her speech. So I am asking all of you prayer warriors out there to please pray for Theresa and her family. If you could also pass this request on to those that could send up an extra prayer, I know that Theresa would appreciate it.

Another request is for my Aunt Michaelle. She recently had a heart attack and is still gaining her strength and endurance back. If you could please keep her in your prayers as she begins a new and healthy lifestyle.

Okay, I think that is it for the not so good news going on in our lives. Unless you want to consider the love/hate relationship that I have with dialysis right now. The only love part of this whole thing is that it's keeping my son alive. Oh should I get into why I hate dialysis? I think I should, because I need to vent about it. I know that no one out there will fully understand my frustration, but here it goes. If I hear one more beep, beep, beep in the middle of the night I think I might go insane. No wait. I know that I will go insane. Oh how I dislike the "cycler." Her and I are going to have a big old fight once Max gets his new kidney. To sum this up in a nut shell, Max isn' draining well at all. All of you other dialysis baby mama's out there know what I am talking about. We are ending up with negative UF's- which means that Max is holding onto the fluid that we are putting into his belly. This also means that Max gets short of breath a lot easier than when he drains well. This is what caused him to be hospitalized back in April. The only thing saving Max from respiratory distress is the heat. If he isn't breathing too well, we take him outside to sweat the extra fluid off. It works way better than sitting in a hospital room with machines beeping at us all day. The other bad thing is that I haven't had a solid night's sleep in about a month. I have slept on Max's bedroom floor a couple of nights just so that I didn't have to walk from one room to the other. Needless to say, I am exhausted. The only thing keeping me going is that we are down to less than 2 months before all of this is behind us.

Speaking of the transplant, I cannot wait!!! I am not nervous, I am not scared, I am ready. I am going to skip down the hallway of the same day surgery area at 5:30 in the morning on Tuesday, July 27th. I will sit there with my arm held out while my IV is administered with a big smile on my face. I will put my hospital gown and cute little surgery hat on with pride. Because in 54 days, I get to save my son's life, again. I get to give my son a chance at a life that he has yet to experience as a 2 year old. He and I will proudly show off our battle wounds. Our proof that miracles happen and that he is one of them. On that day, nothing else will matter. The world as we know it will stop. I will hug and kiss my husband and son goodbye as I am wheeled into the OR. I will lay on that table with pride as I quickly fall to sleep.

I try to picture what it will be like in the recovery room. Will my kidney already be pumping urine out of my little boy's body by the time I wake up? Will we know right away if everything is looking good? Who will be there with me when I wake up? How long after I go to my room will Max still be in surgery? The unknown answers to all of my questions. It is up to God now. I am finished worrying about the unknowns. We won't know until we try. God knows what will happen and I am at peace with Him knowing and not telling me. We are in God's hands and He will pull us through this. Max and I will survive and we will be better people because of it.

In 54 days, there will be no more dialysis, no more monthly deliveries of 16 boxes of fluid, cassettes and drainage bags. No more cycler- which means no more beeping in the middle of the night. No more dressing changes. In 54 days, Max will be free.

54 days is coming very quickly.