Confession

In the work up process of donating a kidney you are required to have a psych evaluation. During this evaluation you are told that depression is a risk of donating. I didn't quite understand why someone would fall into depression after giving someone the gift of life. I didn't understand until I donated my kidney to Max.

I wouldn't say that I am full blown depressed, but I am definitely down. I finally realized why I was feeling this way over the weekend. The life that I have known for the past 26 months is gone. The life of 10 different medications that were given 6 times a day, feeds every 3 hours, dialysis for 12 hours a day, blood pressures, weights, oxygen, monitors and dressing changes is gone. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that all of that is over. This is what we have been wanting from the beginning, but it's definitely an adjustment. An adjustment that I am willing to make, it's just going to take some time to get used to. We have free time that we have no idea what to do with because we haven't had it in so long. We are able to just get up and go and not worry about being home by 9pm to hook Max up to a machine. It's just a weird feeling, but a welcomed one.

During the months before the transplant I tried to prepare myself. I think I put a wall up for preparing what life would be like post transplant. I was more focused on preparing myself for the surgery itself and the risks that came along with it. I think I was too afraid to go beyond the surgery because I was told over and over again how high risk it was. Now that all of that is over and we are home, I am trying to figure out how to live life as a "normal" family. I will get used to this. Life is perfect right now and I couldn't ask for anything more, it's just going to take me some time to get used to having a healthy two year old and all of the things that come along with it.

So this little bout of "depression" will pass. Life is way to short to not enjoy every moment and I will not let this stop me from doing just that. Our little boy is healthy for the first time and we can't wait to grab this new life by the horns and live the heck out of it.

New piece of information: Max had his routine labs and follow up appointment today. While we were sitting in the room waiting for the doctors, Max's urologist poked his head in and told us that he didn't want to tell us this before the transplant because of everything we had going on, but they are going to try again with Max's bladder. Meaning they are going to ramp up his ditropan in hopes that he will not need a bladder augmentation. He went on to say that we are in a very good situation right now. This is HUGE! We have an appointment with him next Friday so we will get more information then, but this was music to our ears. We do not want Max to have to have this surgery. It is a long, high risk and nasty surgery that follows with a 4 week stay at the hospital. Please pray that Max's bladder does what it's suppose to and that he doesn't need this surgery.

I will be posting a prayer request this evening, so please check back to see who is needing your prayers for tomorrow.

Have a great week!